welcoming to a new female centered self.

So, I am female.

Something that is an obvious observation about my self, but since we are on the internet that may not be so obvious.

don't know where being or becoming a girl or woman comes from, but iam starting to understand that it is based in the way we outwardly represent ourselves. This "repersentation" has a lot to do with the "roles" we play. The way we choose to interact or not interact in certain situations.

I'm not sure if I am a girl or a woman, I mean I guess i am both. I don't really know what the qualification are of being either. But I DO know that my sex is FEMALE ( I got a lot figured out, huh?) A lot the roles i can think of off the top of my head have some sort of gender based connotations.

the reason I am questioning this is because me as a creator doesn't want to create. I mean my art making urges are changing, they have turned in the desire to wash the dishes, wash my clothes by hand, cook or sew or clean the layer of invisable dirt that lies everywhere. I have never known myself to think about these chores, let a lone to forward to them.

I don't know how to fight the urges I have so I will succumb to them , at least for a week, and document this new 1950s house wife/ maid like self.

bowing down action number on:
2 nights ago. I washed all the dishes in my friends house. I worked speechlessly and wiped away tears with soapy hands. sink this morning status: full again
Monday night:
washed my underwear and socks, naked in the shower. Hung clothing to dry on bamboo shower curtains. status: still drying

spill management

an important process

Feb 22

bul go ki, miso soup, brown rice, coconut soup, meeguu salad, fish wihtcurry, mango coconut fluff puff. coconut banana bread

feb 21

rice flour crepes ( almond milk, rice flour, eggs, cinnamon) insides : salami, guava paste, yogurt(!), syrup, banana. 1 and 1/2 Hamburgers(onions and meat) rice buns. salad ( roman lettus, onions, apple, carrots, cucumber, tomatoes) rice.

feb 20

half a bag of old bay chips. eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns curly fires, 2 cups of coffee. sweet potato. 5 sushi pieces. insides of mike g. special burrito( who knows, meat, corn.. ?)

feb 19

eggs, sausage, hash browns. peanut butter rice cake

squash soup ( acorn squash, "butter", coconut milk, onions, carrots, celery, cumin, turmeric, chilli powder) kale salad( kale, apple, onions, olives, cucumber, cashews, honey mustard dressing) rye toast. 5 pints of hard cider

feb 18

oatmeal (coconut milk, banana, vanilla, cinnamon) and grapefruit, coffee, 2 honey packets, 3 rice cakes with crunchy peanut butter, apple, Yam ( microwaved), rice spikes (onions, spinach, paprika, corriander, cumin, and spice x) Tea, 2 eggs over easy with REAL BUTTER, 2 pieces of gum (winterfresh)

feb 17

couple glups of apple sauce, coffee +2, cha cha ( rice noodles and vegetables) rice, more apple sauce, dates, eggs snack ( two eggs with salami, onions, apples) rye crackers with "butter" grape soda, 3 "mounds"

feb 16
2 poached eggs, steamed greens ( kale, onion, garlic, cashews) Grapefurit. spegetti left overs ( rice pasta, olves, onions and cucumber) studio muchums( handfull of potatoe chips, resses puff balls, apple sauce dates) chicken leg( "flour" and egg and cumin) roasted potatoes ( pepirka, salt pepper, oil, chili powder) corn tortillas

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finding a process

I'm caught in one word here, process. art school is place to organize your process. but the truth i'm not sure the role of process in my work. For the most part I know what process I need for accomplish my idea, but that doesn't seam like my process.

i mean..

EVERYTHING IS A PROCESS or least has one.
making lists, digestion, documenting, communicating ( writing, counting, reading, watching, listening), lice hunting, shopping, understanding, letting go, morning, being on time, growth, grooming, evolution, story telling, dissolving, cooking, change, respiration, fear, things, printing, development, technology, hunger, allergic reactions, stretching, cleaning, friendship, love, climbing, embarrassment( any emotion), CAD, speed tongue, personalities, drawing, building, conning with eyes, balance, focus, masturbating, sun sets, sweat, dating, pregnancy, sleeping, relaxing, finishing, wondering, anger, laughter, math, mapping, crying, lying, learning, crossing out.

plus a million more.

BUT i'm supposed to be finding my process.

all of the above are a part my process.

But in terms of making:

I am inspired by the uncontrollable. By situations and thoughts. I think that art is a vessel for communicating, for sharing. inevitably for understanding history.